суббота, 18 октября 2008 г.

australian hotel the rocks




Itapos;s 1:23 am and Iapos;m in Orlando.

I thought I would be in Leesburg, asleep by now.

I am now neither asleep or in Leesburg.


This morning I woke up with a pretty terrible stomach ache. To relieve it, I had a nice long bubble bath with extra hot water. Unfortunately, I was submerged in water so long that when I resurfaced, my feet had pruned very badly. And it hurt It felt like needles were stuck all over my feet. I propped up my dogs until the pain subsided. Then amazingly enough, my stomach pains came back, with full force. I guess my stomach was jealous of my feet and demanded my full attention.

Needless to say, it wasnapos;t a great morning.

I canapos;t help but draw a comparison. I like to do that because I think in metaphors. It reminded me of two, very different situations I had been dealing with recently. One had been a constant struggle (lets call this problem A), but consistent in level of irritation. Then a whole new situation (lets call this one problem B) arose that was very sudden and brought a whole new level of pain and agony. Fortunately, that situation has begun a healing process and the pain that was inflicted is beginning to subside.

During the period of time where the problem B was an issue, problem A had been pushed from my mind. It was something that I just had forgotten about completely. But then, as that whole ordeal started to fade, the original, constant irritation demanded more attention. My problem A came back at me like a stomach ache, even after the foot needles of Problem B went away.

This new uprising of an old problem was so demanding that all of my focus was directed at the problem. It was as if I were trying to make a spoon bend with my mind, staring at it, praying, hoping it will somehow hear me without me ever saying a word.

And I got notin.

The spoon wouldnapos;t budge.

I thought about breaking the spoon in half and chucking it out of a window. Then the spoon would know how angry I am for it being unwilling to bend, no matter how politely I asked.

But lets face it. The spoon is never going to bend. At least not because of my wants or wishes

Recognizing that is difficult, but neccesary. Because what I see now is that itapos;s not important for me to want the problem to change. The spoon was created to be a spoon. And in this situation, a spoon will not fit my needs. Because Iapos;m trying to find a utensil to eat a steak with and a spoon will simply not do. It just wouldnapos;t work.




I am starting to feel more at peace about all of this.
Really, I am.


I just wish I could get some sleep.

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